Numbers
by Angel's babe
Summary: Harry's thoughts on the events of the past few weeks. Spoilers: Season 3


Disclaimer: I don't own the characters of Spooks, but I have often wished I did.

Summary: Just a character piece about Harry, it can stand alone.

Spoilers: Season 3

Rating: PG

Reviews: Yes please

Author's notes:

Inspiration for this one came from season 3 of Spooks.

'' thoughts, "" dialogue

C.O.S.: Change of scenery

Title: Numbers

Harry Pearce sat back in his desk chair as he let his gaze drift out across the Grid, and he wondered how numbers had came to define the events of the last few weeks of his life.

_Three- _The number of individuals he started out with, three.

Tom Quinn: he was capable and handsome. He was able to get himself out of any situation, and he completed his missions with an able professionalism that even in his long career Harry had rarely seen. This was how Tom Quinn appeared on the outside. On the inside however was a different story. Tom had become had lately become cold, it had become apparent that he didn't know where the job ended and the individual began.

Harry berated himself that he should have seen it coming, and done something to stop it. He knew the signs, and realized when exactly it began as well; when that lady and her child stopped being in his life- that was when Tom Quinn began to go downhill.

Then there came Zoe- he'd put her under three as well, because three was the amount of days it took for her trial. _Three _was the amount of days before she left their lives, and they could never see her again.

'I should have gone to bat for you harder, shaken some trees, or called in some favours. You were one of my best agents.' Harry thought to himself. He shivered as he recalled the scene in the interrogation room, remembered how they had argued, that was not how he had planned to say good bye to her. She had felt betrayed, and hurt. Now thinking back on it she was right- he should have listened to her in the first place, if he had maybe she might still be there.

"I hope you're happy wherever you are Zoe" Harry whispered into the silence.

_Two-_ the amount of new agents he had acquired.

The 'Golden Couple' of British intelligence, they came as a package deal. Adam was a bit unorthodox, but he got the job done. He realized that replacing Tom was going to be very hard if not near impossible, and to his credit had never tried to force himself on the team. To their credit the team was responding well, and there was a rhythm that was coming that was never really there to speak of with Tom.

Fiona was something of an unknown quantity to Harry; the only thing he really knew was that they had met when Adam was on a mission in the middle-east. They had worked as team for quite sometime, and Adam seemed very comfortable placing her in risky situations usually with other men. Zoe once told Harry that Adam had joked that he hoped to 'get rid of her on one of these missions'.

It sounded to Harry that she was like her husband. If that were true, then MI-5 was going to be alright.

_One- _The amount of agents he had left from his original group.

Harry let his gaze wander and settle on Danny. He had been looking particularly forlorn since Zoe left. Harry had noticed him gazing at her empty desk and shaking his head, all the while not realizing anybody was watching him.

He wondered if there had been anything between them after all. His mind flashed back to the briefing prior to their last mission together: Ruth had voiced her concerns over them going at all on a mission together- on each other's back's at home, and at work. Now looking back Harry realized that she may have been right.

Harry also realized that maybe Danny had cared for Zoe. Danny had to see Zoe light up at the very sight of another man, had to hear her giggle at his jokes, glow when he sent her flowers. It must have been hell for him. He had to see Tom walk away to a different life- permanently altered by what he'd seen and done in the name of duty. He'd had to see Zoe- his best friend, his roommate's life destroyed in the name of duty.

Harry tore his gaze away as feelings of guilt overwhelmed him.

He realized that this whole putting numbers to his life was a weak attempt at putting the events in order. He couldn't trivialize life like that. Numbers didn't erase the fact that two people that he cared deeply for had left, that he would never see them again. Numbers didn't erase the feelings of guilt every time his gaze swept Zoe's desk or the fact that a third person he cared for was slowly slipping away from him.

The only thing that numbers did was neatly categorize things for a while, and that was all that he wanted. Harry straightened up in his chair: Break time was over; it was time to do some more work.

That's it from me, hope you've enjoyed.

Please review it.


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